This is an open call to The Real Ron Artest. The passionate, well-versed, clever and witty Ron Artest. The one who holds hands, builds houses for troubled families, and takes thirty-someodd kids to a Sparks WNBA game on a whim. The guy who is saying all the right things for the media this offseason, despite more face time than the Kardashians got Booty-time. Yo, Ron. You paying attention?
Great. Now I'd like to call out to The Other Ron Artest. The bench-clearing, flagrant-foul-givin', Palace pouncer that is one part vindication and two parts low blows. The Terrell Owens of the NBA, except after Terrell makes his inevitable foray into the WWE. I'm talking to Ron Artest the enforcer, the shot-hoister, the stat-filler and coach killer.
You both listening? Good. We need each of you on board for this one.
Let me be absolutely clear: you absolutely cannot mess this season up. You fail here, and you will never redeem your career again. You ruin this good thing we have going in LA, and the rest of your basketball days will be tarnished by it. In LA, we fans run deep. We know our basketball, we know our history, and we have more than a passing interest in the Lake Show. We will be here longer than you. We have more influence than you. Win us over, and you will be a Hall of Famer. Lose our faith, and you will never see this level of love again.
Think Cedric Ceballos. Nick Van Exel. Smush Parker. There's a lot of ways this could go, and a lot of ways this could go badly. And Rons, that applies to both of you.
***
Let me first say that we, as a Laker fanbase, have faith in you. We see the skills. Hell, you played in our division for a couple years now, and much of your shot-hocking Iversonian reputation was garnered from the fact you had to carry crap teams that couldn’t score for themselves. You were their only option on offense, and their best defender. We saw it, too. Yes, we want you on our team.
But, as we had both televisions and were conscious this last decade, we’ve all seen what you can do if things don’t go your way. And if they remember you in Chicago, and in Indiana, just think about how they will remember you here. We still get shivers when we hear the name Kermit, and that was over thirty years ago.
As of now, Staples is an antic-free zone. No huffing, no tantrums. Don’t even roll your eyes. Keep your head down and do your damn job. Because you, Rons, have a real coach now, and teammates that will call you on your BS.
In Sacramento and Houston, you were the story no matter what happened. In LA, the Lakers are the story, Kobe is the lead, and you play the enemy who defected to help the Allies. You have our hesitant trust. But we need some collateral from you first, and it needs to come on the hardwood.
Nothing matters more to us, and nothing should matter more to you, than production in purple and gold.
***
So, what is it that we expect out of Ron Artests? Well, we’re not stupid. We know you are good because of your tenacity, Rons. Without that, you wouldn’t be as successful or as capable on the court…you wouldn’t be an All Star. We want you to go balls-out, to be everywhere, to be confident. Cuz that’s you, man! So, dunk on people. Foul hard. Hustle. That’s the guy we signed, we expect that from you, and we will understand the repercussions.
But sometimes, it’s hard to leash in that tenacity.
Basically, we can tolerate a flagrant foul here and there. We can deal with a couple tech’s from arguing calls over the course of a season. We will look past your shorty-shorts. We won’t even mind it if you call out other teams, like when you challenged Houston this offseason, saying you won’t shoot once, just D the hell out of everyone on the court.
We dig that. That’s awesome. And we need that on this Laker team, because if we have one vulnerability, it’s the occasional tendency to be pushed around.
I want you to D-up Andrew Bynum in practice, and teach him to become a force down low. I want you to take Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic into a closed room, emerging only when they have learned defense and rotations. I want you, Luke Walton, and Lamar Odom to go down to the ESPN Zone and buy drinks for people on a Friday night, and not only because it would be hilarious to see.
I want you to praise Phil. I want you to compliment your teammates. Be embarrassed at losses, be humble in victory.
And these are all things that are completely in your power, Rons. These are goals that can be accomplished. And if you do these things, I will promise you now, we will have at least one more championship, and your number will be in the rafters, retired next to the best ballers ever.
How’s that sound to you two?
That is your goal. Positive influence. Leadership. Veteran know-how. Be our Ray Lewis, lead the defensive rotation (but don’t kill anyone). Strike fear in your opponents whenever they head your way. Spread the offense and hit your threes. This is what we ask of you.
And no one cares if you Tweet or not during all this. If it keeps you happy, so be it. Tweet to your heart’s content. But your words will be more powerful with a ring on your finger.
***
There’s a reason I am writing this open letter to both of you. It’s because we Laker fans are not sure which one of you is going to show up. And I’ll be honest: we’re scared of you.
You could single-handedly blow up this Laker championship team. Even though we won playing at about 75% of our potential last season, there are bigger fish to fry this year. Cleveland. Boston. Even San Antonio has gotten better. One tantrum, or one quote about your lack of confidence in the team could upset the balance of this Laker season.
Talent-wise, this is one of the most gifted teams in Laker history, which puts them in the running for the most talented all-time. But sanity-wise? With passive-aggressive Phil at the helm, obsessive-compulsive Kobe leading the charge, and now Ron Artest?
Ron, and other Ron, we don’t need any more jalapeños in this chili. Add some spice, but don’t kill the flavor, please. There are millions of fans and dedicated followers that are holding their breath on your performance, not to mention the 29 other teams that are gunning for the target on the Laker's backs this season. They will test you, they will provoke you. Do not fall victim to being, well, you.
In return, all past transgressions will be forgotten, and you will be warmly welcomed into the arms of the NBA legends.
Which is something I believe all three of us can agree on.
Great. Now I'd like to call out to The Other Ron Artest. The bench-clearing, flagrant-foul-givin', Palace pouncer that is one part vindication and two parts low blows. The Terrell Owens of the NBA, except after Terrell makes his inevitable foray into the WWE. I'm talking to Ron Artest the enforcer, the shot-hoister, the stat-filler and coach killer.You both listening? Good. We need each of you on board for this one.
Let me be absolutely clear: you absolutely cannot mess this season up. You fail here, and you will never redeem your career again. You ruin this good thing we have going in LA, and the rest of your basketball days will be tarnished by it. In LA, we fans run deep. We know our basketball, we know our history, and we have more than a passing interest in the Lake Show. We will be here longer than you. We have more influence than you. Win us over, and you will be a Hall of Famer. Lose our faith, and you will never see this level of love again.
Think Cedric Ceballos. Nick Van Exel. Smush Parker. There's a lot of ways this could go, and a lot of ways this could go badly. And Rons, that applies to both of you.
***
Let me first say that we, as a Laker fanbase, have faith in you. We see the skills. Hell, you played in our division for a couple years now, and much of your shot-hocking Iversonian reputation was garnered from the fact you had to carry crap teams that couldn’t score for themselves. You were their only option on offense, and their best defender. We saw it, too. Yes, we want you on our team.
But, as we had both televisions and were conscious this last decade, we’ve all seen what you can do if things don’t go your way. And if they remember you in Chicago, and in Indiana, just think about how they will remember you here. We still get shivers when we hear the name Kermit, and that was over thirty years ago.
As of now, Staples is an antic-free zone. No huffing, no tantrums. Don’t even roll your eyes. Keep your head down and do your damn job. Because you, Rons, have a real coach now, and teammates that will call you on your BS.
In Sacramento and Houston, you were the story no matter what happened. In LA, the Lakers are the story, Kobe is the lead, and you play the enemy who defected to help the Allies. You have our hesitant trust. But we need some collateral from you first, and it needs to come on the hardwood.Nothing matters more to us, and nothing should matter more to you, than production in purple and gold.
***
So, what is it that we expect out of Ron Artests? Well, we’re not stupid. We know you are good because of your tenacity, Rons. Without that, you wouldn’t be as successful or as capable on the court…you wouldn’t be an All Star. We want you to go balls-out, to be everywhere, to be confident. Cuz that’s you, man! So, dunk on people. Foul hard. Hustle. That’s the guy we signed, we expect that from you, and we will understand the repercussions.
But sometimes, it’s hard to leash in that tenacity.
Basically, we can tolerate a flagrant foul here and there. We can deal with a couple tech’s from arguing calls over the course of a season. We will look past your shorty-shorts. We won’t even mind it if you call out other teams, like when you challenged Houston this offseason, saying you won’t shoot once, just D the hell out of everyone on the court.
We dig that. That’s awesome. And we need that on this Laker team, because if we have one vulnerability, it’s the occasional tendency to be pushed around.
I want you to D-up Andrew Bynum in practice, and teach him to become a force down low. I want you to take Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic into a closed room, emerging only when they have learned defense and rotations. I want you, Luke Walton, and Lamar Odom to go down to the ESPN Zone and buy drinks for people on a Friday night, and not only because it would be hilarious to see.I want you to praise Phil. I want you to compliment your teammates. Be embarrassed at losses, be humble in victory.
And these are all things that are completely in your power, Rons. These are goals that can be accomplished. And if you do these things, I will promise you now, we will have at least one more championship, and your number will be in the rafters, retired next to the best ballers ever.
How’s that sound to you two?
That is your goal. Positive influence. Leadership. Veteran know-how. Be our Ray Lewis, lead the defensive rotation (but don’t kill anyone). Strike fear in your opponents whenever they head your way. Spread the offense and hit your threes. This is what we ask of you.
And no one cares if you Tweet or not during all this. If it keeps you happy, so be it. Tweet to your heart’s content. But your words will be more powerful with a ring on your finger.
***
There’s a reason I am writing this open letter to both of you. It’s because we Laker fans are not sure which one of you is going to show up. And I’ll be honest: we’re scared of you.
You could single-handedly blow up this Laker championship team. Even though we won playing at about 75% of our potential last season, there are bigger fish to fry this year. Cleveland. Boston. Even San Antonio has gotten better. One tantrum, or one quote about your lack of confidence in the team could upset the balance of this Laker season.
Talent-wise, this is one of the most gifted teams in Laker history, which puts them in the running for the most talented all-time. But sanity-wise? With passive-aggressive Phil at the helm, obsessive-compulsive Kobe leading the charge, and now Ron Artest?Ron, and other Ron, we don’t need any more jalapeños in this chili. Add some spice, but don’t kill the flavor, please. There are millions of fans and dedicated followers that are holding their breath on your performance, not to mention the 29 other teams that are gunning for the target on the Laker's backs this season. They will test you, they will provoke you. Do not fall victim to being, well, you.
In return, all past transgressions will be forgotten, and you will be warmly welcomed into the arms of the NBA legends.
Which is something I believe all three of us can agree on.
Posts
23 comments:
u should send this to him on his twitter account
This is an absolutley fantastic post, and I agree with ^^^ send it to him on his twiiter.
Talk about some revisionist history here. Whoever write this obviosly doesn't know much about basketball. Ron was the third offensive option in Houston, not the best defender in Houston, and played for an extremely well respected coach(a coach that he himself said was the coach that he respected the most)
No my friend, the Ron Artest your getting is exactly the same one that was playing in Houston. And you have him for better or worse over the next five years.
Come on man... let him play and at least wait until December before posting something like this. You think he doesn't know all this already?
Ron Artest,
Don't listen to this guy, you are a STAR! You did the Lakers a HUGE favor by giving them more talent, better defense, more toughness and a buddy to keep Lamar in the house, all for less than Ariza.
You're in Los Angeles now! Live it up! This is the absolute center of the media universe! And guess what? You're at the center of it!
Do what you need to do brother, you the man. Don't let nobody mold you into what they think you should be. You just got signed because you are who you are and what you bring to the table.
And if this "Laker" fan that wrote this is going to stop loving you, so be it, there a lot of other fans that LOVE the fact that you bring the x-factor to the Lakers!
From the writer:
Let me be perfectly clear. I wish the best for Ron Artest. I appreciate his career even prior to the Lkers, and even wrote about 500 words in my last post about how getting him was far and away the right move. (I suggest you read it.)
He is a good dude and an upstanding individual. This is the first point I made. He will help this team, we all understand that. The point is for him to understand what it means to put on the purple and gold.
It's a higher standard. It's regal. And if you read through the whole article, you can see that the point of it was to "buck him up", to get him ready.
To get him serious.
I have not passed judgement. I hope he destroys everyone, I truly do, as a Laker fan.
The problem is when people say "You're in Los Angeles now! Live it up! This is the absolute center of the media universe! And guess what? You're at the center of it!"
Ron, do NOT live it up. Be a professional. Do your work. You are not T.O. You are not to be a distraction. There is a greater cause here, and that is the Back-To-Back. Any media attention, any superfluous coverage is SECONDARY to your on-the-court performance. Don't ever forget that, and I recommend to my readers that they never forget it, either.
I haven't been asleep for the last decade. I've seen the trouble Ron has gotten into. You've seen it too. He would probably admit to making a couple bad choices, right?
What I am saying is, game face, Ron. Game face. We know your talents. We see your ability. But you're not in Sacramento any more.
i've never read anything more solipsistic and obnoxious.
this is all i got out of this post, even though i could only stomach about half of it: "i'm a blogger. i can tell ron artest what to do because i write a blog and i like the lakers. i'm cooler than everyone because i write a blog. i'm awesome. i'm awesome because i like the lakers and i'm better than everyone. the disappointment associated with my team's failure is below me because i like the lakers and because i can write a blog. in la we're so cool. look at me. look at me, 'rons.' i write a blog so you should listen to me. don't be yourself. be like us because i write a blog and i'm so important that you should listen. because i told you to because i write a blog. because i like the lakers. so you have to listen."
Past experience has shown that ron Artest cannot and will not control himself on the court. What makes us think that a leopard will suddenly change his spots. I agree wholeheartedly with your comments.
I just tweeted him a link to the article. http://twitter.com/terryfinisterre
You have said what many avid Laker fans are thinking. I don't see this as an attack on Ron Artest because you rave about his abilities and past successes. Then you balanced it out with his flaws and history. Kudos to you for having the balls to write it.
My man, don't pay attention to the haters wishing they wrote this piece first.
Stick it on a postcard and tape it to his locker or shave it into the side of his head -- either way this epitomizes the feelings of Laker fans worldwide.
Well done
cool story bro
Well, I completely understand why Artest told you to suck his cock. This is completely condescending.
ABSOLUTELY WELL PUT MY FELLOW LAKER NATIONAIN ..... IM A LIL SCARED AND EXCITED TO SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT ....WE NEED 2 MORE RINGS RON....
P.S. Please trip, choke slam or just plain ruff up Kendrick Perkins for me when we play Boston...He got a lil beside himself in the 07 FINALS grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
This is a pretty lame read. And by the way, don't speak for other people. I've been a Laker fan my whole life, and you certainly don't speak for me with this idiotic rant.
slavin...you're a douchebag. And a disgrace to the TRUE laker fans.
this is an awesome blog entry, i hope both rons read this and they realize whats at stake this season. kudos...
Good article. These are all questions that Laker fans are thinking about. While the championship seems to be in the bag this year memories of Karl Malone/Gary Payton year that never was. I think Artest gets the idea here and trust that Mitch, Phil and Kobe made the right decision here. Goooo Lakers....
I can see why you were asked to suck an appendage. This is not complimentary whatsoever as it is cleverly worded with back handed insults.
I would even take it as a threat.
Great Article - very well articulated. And right on the money. Best case senario - this is the greatest, most exciting season in Laker history. But Boston, Cleaveland, Portland, Orlando, Denver are not laying down for anyone. Artest adds character with a bad boy flavor that will allow this team to bond and come together like no other in Laker history. This year will be a legendary year like no other.
Suck a cock.
In LA, we fans run deep. We know our basketball, we know our history, and we have more than a passing interest in the Lake Show. We will be here longer than you.
Then you realize why they're called the Lakers? OK.
I want you to D-up Andrew Bynum in practice, and teach him to become a force down low. I want you to take Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic into a closed room, emerging only when they have learned defense and rotations. I want you, Luke Walton, and Lamar Odom to go down to the ESPN Zone and buy drinks for people on a Friday night, and not only because it would be hilarious to see.
So you want him to take over and be a team leader?
In LA, the Lakers are the story, Kobe is the lead, and you play the enemy who defected to help the Allies. You have our hesitant trust. But we need some collateral from you first, and it needs to come on the hardwood.
Oh, I guess not.
And if you do these things, I will promise you now, we will have at least one more championship, and your number will be in the rafters, retired next to the best ballers ever.
Just like Rodman's number hangs in the United Center.
Wait a minute...
Anyway, please. I commend you for your earnestness, but shit. It's Ron Artest. If you're lucky, he'll be less of a bust than Ben Wallace
was for Chicago.
(Full disclosure: Chicago resident and fan.)
(Second disclosure: I barely remember Artest's days in Chicago, since who really wants to remember that shit? I still know what he is, though, which is a guy who might give you a good year before exploding in a mist of self-promotion and mediocre play.)
Where does such a bandwagon fanbase get the moral authority to talk down to its players like this? In the years between the Shaq and Gasol eras you could barely stay interested enough to watch the guy you insisted was as good as Jordan.
Speaking of which: "No huffing, no tantrums. Don’t even roll your eyes. Keep your head down and do your damn job." Never heard any of you say that to Kobe (who does all these things on a nightly basis). You know why? You've tolerated every kind of moral failing in your players so long as they produced on the court. So to couch this lecture in middle-school coach moralizing is the pure hypocrisy we've only come to expect of fans of "the Lake show."
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