A Guide to the Lakers' Ring Ceremony

It was like a first date.

Awkward but exciting, familiar but rusty. It was a successful fumbling with the best intentions.  And everyone played defense with their hands.

The Lakers took the floor of the Staples Center on Tuesday night, and received their championship rings in front of a crowd that seemed weary from anticipation.  Facing the Clippers in a Homecoming-style game that meant far less than the ceremony preceding it, the Lakers took care of business in a methodical and business-like fashion. 

Kobe’s shot was falling, even though his layups weren’t, and the rest he took this summer was obvious in his play.  Lamar Odom showed off a vastly improved outside shot, and Andrew Bynum was producing down low against Marcus Camby and Chris Kaman.  Add the fact that Ron Artest didn’t come after me in the stands, and all told it was a successful evening. 

But the real story here was the ring ceremony. 

The ceremony was a celebration of Laker-dom, featuring numerous greats both past and present.  Subdued but appreciative, it was a time of reflection for the Laker staff and crowd alike.  Time was allotted for each of the last eight championship teams to pay their respects to the new champions, serving as a “rite of passage” for these players’ inclusion into Laker history.  The entire process was thick with tradition, and respect. 

But, it was a Laker game, so there was a fair share of purple and gold craziness to accompany the reverence.  It is LA, after all.  You can’t have the cake without the sugar rush.

What follows is my first-hand account of the commotion and camaraderie that is Lakers Opening Night, 2009.

6:25 pm – Driving on the 10 freeway to Staples.  Between the traffic, the 55 MPH winds, and dodging the resulting debris, it seems like we were entering into one of Dante’s circles of Hell.  This is the funny thing about Southern California: we don’t really get weather, but once every year we get our hair mussed up by these random winds that come from nowhere, and hit us for no good reason.  But hey, we spawned Perez Hilton, so maybe it’s payback from the Gods.  If so, I can understand that.

6:30 pm – Downtown is a mess.  Between the Michael Jackson movie premier, and the Laker ring presentation/season opener, the traffic around Staples moves more slowly than a grandma going uphill.  Though it is amusing to see the bus-sized black Hummers and Escalades inching along, while I assume their drivers are sitting, peeved, behind their negative-10 tinted windows. 

The big parking lot across from Staples is closed down for some reason.  This jacks up the prices of all the lots in the surrounding areas, so I end up shelling out $20 for a double-parked spot a solid four blocks away. And I nearly kill myself crossing the street/running through traffic. 

The Jackson premier is in the Nokia Center, an outdoor amphitheater directly across from Staples on the Magic Statue side.  In an attempt to classy-up the movie opening, the producers decided to put up a gigantic outdoor stage - complete with searchlights and six full hanging chandeliers.  In an effort to completely destroy the mood, God decided to make the winds funnel down the corridor between the Staples Center and the Nokia Center, blowing the living hell out of the whole production, and making the chandeliers swing wildly around like gigantic lawn darts.  I ducked into the ESPN Zone to get a beer.

6:33 pm – Cavs getting spackled by the Celtics.  Good to see my analytical predictions in action.  Props to the fellow who checked out the blog on his IPhone next to me, and to the two hyper ladies who shared an awful champagne-and-grapefruit-vodka, NBA-sponsored drink with me.  Good thing it was free.

6:35 pm – I pass Michael Cooper outside ESPN Zone.  I said, “Sup, Coop!” and he said “Sup!” back.  Still my favorite player of all time, and he still looks like he could throw down a Coop-a-loop from Magic.

7:10 – Finally make it into Staples and take our seats.  After giving a hug to my favorite usher and catching up with some friends, I see the two Kardashian girls (Kim and Khloe) saunter in and settle into their seats…two rows in front of us.  I say, “Welcome to the Laker family!”  Khloe says “Thank you!” 

I then spend the next couple minutes convincing my father that Hollywood is, sadly, bigger than the Lakers, and that is why we are currently getting mobbed by people wanting some Kardashian action.  (Kardashi-action?)

7:21 pm – The Lakers and the Clippers are warming up, but then the Lakers video cues up on the Jumbotron, and the Clippers follow suit by heading back to the locker rooms.  This all must be very strange for them…another team getting championship rings on their home floor.  It’s like a party being thrown at your house, but you’re not invited. 

And, on that matter, I lament the fact that Blake “Superior” Griffin is out.  I don’t care that he plays for the worst franchise in professional sports.  Whenever a league’s top draft pick is out of action for opening night, it hurts that league.  Unfortunately, the NBA has had that distinction for two of the last three years.  Blake has the potential to be a 22/12 powerhouse.  I hope for a quick and full healing process for the fellow who put down the nastiest dunk of the preseason. 

7:23 pm – The Larry O’Brien trophy is awkwardly wheeled out to center court, as is Commissioner David Stern.  The Commish makes a bungled and haphazard speech that I believe he made up on the spot.  Honestly, he’s done this speech every year.  How does he not know it by heart?  It should be like Mad Libs to him by now…just fill “Lakers” in the blank spots, buddy.  We can only tell he’s done when he walks off the court and hands in his microphone.

7:25 pm – The Lakers parade out the past champions.  In order:

-Jerry West, 1972

-Norm Nixon, 1980

-Jamaal Wilkes, 1982

-Big Game James Worthy, 1985

-Coop, 1987

-Magic, 1988

-AC Green, 2000

-Rick Fox, 2001 (I think…people were still cheering for Magic.  Could have been anyone.)

-Robert Horry, 2002 (Creepy – he is standing exactly where he hit The Horry Shot.  And I am standing where I was, too. Should we hug?)

Magic addresses the crowd, thanks them, and recognizes Jerry Buss in his private luxury box.  Yes, Jerry should be at center court with his players.  But we all know he is eccentric and aloof, and we give him the standing ovation anyway.  Personally, I’m surprised he showed up, and wasn’t at a casino, playing poker somewhere.

The whole presentation is classy, classy, classy.  Everyone is acknowledged, and in turn they all acknowledge the current Laker team and the fans.  It is warm and fuzzy, like a B-Grade romantic comedy, except Matthew McConaughey is thankfully MIA.  At first, I was worried about the absence of Tex Winter, the legendary architect of the Triangle Offense and, in my opinion, basketball royalty.  But at the end of the third quarter, he was led by four Laker Girls to center court, where he received his ring along with one of the most heartfelt extended standing ovations I’ve ever seen.  (Stay healthy, Tex.)

7:29 pm – They start handing out the rings to Laker personnel.  First guy up: the massage therapist, a wormy little dude who looks wholly out of place and nervous.  They proceed through the trainers and assistant coaches, eventually reaching Phil Jackson, who makes sure to shake the hand of every person announced before him. 

7:30 pm – The 08-09 Lakers.  In order:

-Adam Morrison (yes, he is first.  Since Kobe is last, what exactly does this say?)

-Josh Powell

-DJ MBenga

-Shannon “The Cannon” Brown (I just made that up.  You’re welcome.)

-The Machine

-Luke Walton

-Jordan Farmar (so, it looks like they are keeping these three together.  Let’s hope for trade purposes.)

-Andrew Bynum

-Lamar Odom

-Pau Gasol

-Derek Fisher

-Kobe Bryant

Derek waits for Kobe to come out, and as captains, they go through the roster and shake every player’s hand wholeheartedly.  Then, Kobe holds up the pinky to the crowd.  I’m guessing it’s his “fourth ring” sign, which comes across as clever and understated.  (Could have been another finger, right?)

7:36 pm – Fish addresses the crowd, thanks them for all the continued support, and basically nominates himself for Coach, Commissioner, and President of Player Personnel by just being a wholesome dude.  He leads the crowd through the countdown of 3…2…1…BANNER UNVEILING to “I Love LA.”  And everything is right in the world.

(Thank goodness they got rid of the LA Avengers banner so they had a place to put this one.)

7:39 pm – As the Legends walk off the floor, Magic makes a stop at the Kardashians, and gives Khloe a big bear hug.  Hrm…maybe that is how I should have welcomed Artest into the Laker family.

7:45 pm – This is the announced tip-off time, and the Clips are just taking the floor for their second warm-up session.  And let me say, Baron Davis looks svelte.  Slender, agile, and beard-licious.  This is a formidable team, and if they make the playoffs by 2012, then I do believe the apocalypse is coming. (Post-game: Baron finishes 1-for-10, 2 points.  Maybe he needed the extra weight.)

7:48 pm – Good to see the real refs again.  I’m ready to be refreshingly infuriated by them.  “The devil you know”, and all that.

7:50 pm – Ron Artest grabs the microphone, and the guy behind me goes “Uh-oh.”  He addresses the crowd, and I believe my notes sum it up well:  “Artest – Graffiti head – unintelligible speech – probably for the best.”

7:51 pm – Bynum wins the tip, and the 09-10 Laker season begins.

At this point, the game proceeds much as you would think.  The Lakers, like a sports car being driven for the first time in six months, are a mess of sloppy energy and misfires, keeping the game just close enough to maintain interest before turning it on in the 4^th. 

Other than Denzel walking by the Kim/Khloe tandem and the world nearly exploding, the rest of the night was relatively uneventful.  

Heading out of the Staples Center after the game, there is no hollering, no Lakers chants.  Just a quiet procession back to our vehicles.  An opening-night victory is nice, but expected.  For the Lakers, their fans, and the franchise and community as a whole, the message is clear.  It is time to do business.  The regular season has begun.